Psychologists Reveal Top Cause of 'The Ick' For Women

Psychologists may have identified the top trigger of "the ick" for women—and it's a tie between saying annoying things and being misogynistic. The researchers, from the Azusa Pacific University in California, identified reported triggers of the sensation and surveyed how people felt about them. "The ick" refers to a sudden feeling of all-consuming disgust toward a love interest seemingly triggered by a specific, often trivial, behavior. The term was first popularized by a 1997 episode of the television comedy drama Ally McBeal, but received a boost after being used by a contestant on the British reality show Love Island in 2017. Other common triggers of the ick among women were dates who were overly digital (e.g. used social media excessively), overly trendy (e.g. tried to hard to fit in) or publicly embarrassing (e.g. "Shazaming a song while he was in a nightclub"). The team found that people are more likely to experience the ick with romantic interests if they are more susceptible to feeling disgust, are narcissistic or are perfectionists. "While the ick may help people identify potential mate incompatibilities, it may also lead to overly rigid rejection standards," the researchers conclude in their paper.

In their investigation, the researchers began with a pilot study, in which they identified and categorized icks discussed in the 100 TikTok videos labeled with the hashtag #theick. Ick triggers for women highlighted in these videos included partners who behaved in an "overly feminine" manner (i.e. "when he laid his head on my shoulder"), those who committed a perceived fashion faux pas ("he wore jorts") or being misogynistic ("he loudly shushed another girl.") These icks then informed the main part of the study, in which 125 single participants, recruited via Amazon's Mechanical Turk website, were asked first whether they were familiar with the term "the ick" and if they had ever felt it, and were then asked to rate how likely they were to experience the ick following the trigger behaviors already identified. Each subject was also asked questions to evaluate their tendency to feel disgust, their level of perfectionism toward others and the extent to which they exhibited traits of grandiose narcissism—having an inflated sense of self-importance, being dominant and seeking attention. The researchers caution that their study was limited by the number of respondents—falling slightly (nine people) short of their calculated threshold for a statistically meaningful result. The team found that nearly half the subjects were familiar with the term "the ick," with 64 percent of the total having experienced the sensation in a dating situation. Of these, 26 percent said that the ick had caused them to end their relationship immediately, while 42 percent stopped dating at a later point. The remainder ignored the ick. Women, the team noted, appear to be more likely to experience the ick—with 75 percent reporting having felt the sensation before compared to just 57 percent of men. This finding, the team wrote, aligns "with research suggesting that women, due to greater parental investment, tend to be more attuned to potential mate incompatibilities and relational risk."

The researchers note that the ick is an extension of how we often look out for potential red flags in a relationship. "While dealbreakers reflect significant relational risks, subtler cues—such as those triggering the ick—may stem from individual sensitivities that influence mate choice thresholds," they wrote. "Even minor aversions may act as protective mechanisms, leading people to reject unfit partners before investing further." While the ick feeling may mislead, it makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, the psychologists argue. "A false-positive error—accepting an incompatible partner—can drain resources, reduce reproductive success and carry long-term relational consequences," they said. "Whereas a false-negative error—rejecting a compatible partner—results in a missed opportunity, but poses fewer immediate risks. "Given this imbalance, people, particularly women with disproportionate parental investment, may develop heightened aversions to even superficial cues that suggest incompatibility or low mate quality."

What To Do if You Feel 'The Ick'

"Generally, the research seems to suggest that the ick is based more on superficial cues than true incompatibility, and so I think it's important to keep this in mind when experiencing the ick," paper author and psychologist Eliana Saunders told Newsweek. "If a partner looks silly pumping up an air mattress, that's probably not reason enough to ditch them," she added. "I think catching ourselves and thinking critically about our ick experiences can help us to consider a partner more rationally. Why did I feel grossed about by this person chasing a ping pong ball? Is that a real issue or am I being overly judgmental?" However, Saunders cautions, not all icks are silly and inconsequential—and some may provide a useful warning against the risk of incompatibility. "If I really value traditional gender norms and I think my partner displays gender incongruent behavior, that's a valid consideration. Would we work together in the long term?" Saunders notes. "Ick or no ick, it's obviously important to consider our personal values and assess whether or not a potential mate meets these standards—and if not, how willing we are to compromise." With their initial study complete, the researchers are now looking to explore how the ick affects long-term relationship success. Saunders added: "We're also curious whether icks are set in stone, or if they can change over time—like whether the media we consume subconsciously influences them." Do you have a tip on a science story that Newsweek should be covering? Do you have a question about psychology? Let us know via science@newsweek.com. Update 03/02/25, 1:12 p.m. ET: This article was updated with additional information and comments from Eliana Saunders.

Reference

Collisson, B., Saunders, E., & Yin, C. (2025). The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds. Personality and Individual Differences, 238. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2025.113086